This morning as Camden was eating breakfast, he stood up on the chair and said, "I have an announcement. Since it is so close to my birthday how about we just say I am 5." We laughed at him and his dramatics and jokingly said no, no, no. Behind the laughs as I turned away, tears quickly filled my eyes and my heart screamed NO. He doesn't understand how every year older he gets means that it is that much harder for me to pull him on my lap and cuddle with him. He doesn't understand that this is his last year before school, the last year that I will have him mostly to myself before I hand him over to other people who will lead him through most of his waking hours. He doesn't understand that with every birthday he gets closer to the time when he leaves his mom for another woman who will fill his heart.
I absolutely lose it every time I watch the scene in Father of the Bride where Steve Martin is playing basketball with his daughter and in one shot she is big and then in the next shot she is little. When Camden made his big announcement this morning, in my mind's eye I actually had the reverse experience. (I really did....I'm not just saying that for dramatic blogging....It was weird!) I pictured him growing up into the man I hope he will one day become. I could actually see him sitting at our table as a teen and as an adult. It took me a few blinks and shakes of my head to remember that for now he is still mine to love and cuddle and nurture.
For once reality was much better than the dream!!