I'm posting in hopes that the people who read this blog will send their prayers and happy thoughts to me tomorrow morning. I have a dentist appointment. Work needs to be done that they have been wanting me to do for about 4 years so I am finally giving in and going. (Even though it is against every core value I have to get work done on teeth that ARE NOT bothering me.) After 40 years I guess this old body needs a tune up.
Anyway, I am deathly afraid of the dentist. There were some horrible childhood experiences that have contributed to this and also I have very soft teeth. At my last cleaning I broke down in hysterics. It is not unusual for me to cry at least once while I'm in their office but the sobbing uncontrollably was strange even for me. I know it was bad because they are actually prescribing a Valium for me to take before I come in tomorrow. (Those of you who have heard me talk about the one and only Valium I have ever had, after Claremaire was born, will know that I'm excited about that.) I have been going to this dentist for 7 years so I'm pretty sure my chart is flagged as a "problem patient". They probably hate me coming as much as I hate coming in.
It just seems like everything is going against me for this visit. I already had to cancel once because of a conflict (for which the receptionist yelled at me). Now I have a bad cold and can't really breathe but I really do want to get it over with (and I don't want the receptionist to yell at me again). Sam was going to go with me and now he can't. My stomach has been hurting for a week thinking about going and now today I have a horrendous headache which I'm attributing to worry and the fact that I can't breathe.
YES I'm overreacting. YES this is irrational. YES it is embarrassing to be so fearful of this. Why can't I overcome this fear? I have managed NOT to pass this fear along to my kids. They love the dentist. In grad school we learned that people who have control issues don't like the dentist because they don't like anyone or anything who makes them feel vulnerable. Well that certainly doesn't describe me. :-) It is not that I don't like the dentist personally. I'm sure he is a very nice person. It is all the poky, sharp tools that he brings with him and the whirring, grinding noises they all make and the chunky pieces of tooth and debris that fly around in a person's mouth and the way your lips get all dry and cracked and then the bill you get in about 2 weeks.
So pray for me if you think about it. Specifically that I will be a nice patient and that the work will be minimal and that it will go quickly and that I won't have a heart attack in the chair. I will take my headphones and a book so hopefully that will help.
If any of you made it through this thanks for letting me vent.