Friday, February 6, 2009

GLAD IT IS FRIDAY.....

It has been a tough week around here. Glad it is Friday and that the sun is shining.

As I think I have done a pretty good job at covering it up (maybe you will disagree), most of you won't know that I have a very tender heart: Always feeling terrible about real and perceived slights, hating to be left out of things, and over analyzing everything that anyone says to me or that I say to anyone. A Bible study teacher I once knew told me that self-centeredness and pride were probably at the heart of this. Not exactly characteristics that other people look for in a friend. Over the last few years there has been a lot of hard work done on my part to try and overcome these issues. However, as I sit here and type this, with tears in my eyes, I am finding it impossible not to worry about these things as they relate to Claremarie. For the most part, she is a very laid back kid. She doesn't get too worked up about things and seems to handle it pretty well when she isn't invited to something. She has a wonderful friend named Lauren and some other really good church friends and we are so thankful for that.

So this week started with hurt feelings about Claremarie not being asked to be on a volleyball team with quite a few of the other girls from her class. She handled it pretty well. I was the basket case mainly due to the fact, that, in the course of a conversation, I had told two of the other mothers in her class that CM wanted to play volleyball and asked if they knew of any teams. They both said no but come to find out....guess who's kids are on the team??? You guessed it. Now rationally I tell myself that they probably didn't know who all had been invited and that they weren't in charge of the team. Irrationally I think: Why didn't they want CM on the team? Why didn't they tell me about the team when we were talking about it? Do they hate fat people (this is a common one I use when someone treats me other than nice)? WHY DO THEY HATE US?? Anyway, it led to many tears and hurt feelings mostly on my part. The good news is that my wonderful husband called around, mainly because I would have been crying, and found a team for her to play on. Claremarie is happy. Problem solved.......

Then on Wednesday CM said she had been invited over to a friend's house after school. I was so happy since these invitations have been few and far between for her. I told her that if the mom called she could go. Well guess what...The mom didn't call. CM was devastated. We didn't feel it was our place to call and invite our child since who knows if the 8 year old even had permission to ask CM over. Well she was devastated. I didn't feel too bad about this one until she said, "But this is the first time any of my school friends has ever invited me over." That broke my heart especially since I didn't even know she was cognizant of the fact. I kept praying that IF this was supposed to work out the mom would call. CM went to bed sobbing that night and also woke up crying. Not exactly a peaceful night or morning. Finally at 7:15 am the mom called and issued the invitation. We had one happy kid on our hands.

Claremarie is a very sweet girl. She seems to be well-liked by most who know her. She isn't mean or unkind. So, why can't everyone see this? I've tried to explain to her that most of the people in her class have known each other since they were babies and it is always hard to break into those kind of circles. Sam said we need to be better about inviting kids over to play. I know I'm terrible at that. It is so hard to watch something happening to my child that pushes so many of my own buttons. God obviously has more to teach me in this area (including how to be kind and forgiving to people who hurt my child). Hopefully I'm a quick learner or it is going to be a long 10 years.

10 comments:

Melody Glenn said...

Believe me, you are not alone in this stuggle. Mia is only 4 and already I can see how much it will hurt me to see her slighted. Oh to protect their precious hearts!

Angela Stevens (I am Pooped) said...

I can relate to what you are going through. I have a 17 year old that is about to graduate high school and I thank God every day for the experiences that we have had with her. At least now I have some sort of model to follow OR not with Fiona and Kinsley.

I think is absolutely correct in that the kids doing the inviting should have a parent call. When Lauren was that age she was not permitted to go spend time with friends if their parents didn't extend the invitation, OR if the parents were not available to talk to. And the kids are going to go behind parents all the time because that's what they do. They don't think about anything else going on really but what is happening in their world. So there will be a lot of times where you will wind up talking to parents who had no idea what the kids were planning, etc.

Up until these last few months Lauren (our 17 year old) was not allowed to be in anybody else's home if their parents weren't home. But that's another story for another day.. mostly because we believe that much of the time the parents have no clue what is going on OR the kids are being kids and just making plans and doing whatever.

As far as the never ending circles of friendships go.. I can totally relate. It's probably a big reason why I distance myself from Mom groups, Play dates, and the like. I have been hurt and burned over the years and have just learned to be very guarded with my own heart strings because once I am your friend, you are stuck w/me! lol But, it's not fun when I feel like I'm not part of the group OR a part of something. So I understand where you are coming from.. totally.

I just want to thank you for being so open on your blog because I always get this little voice in the back of my head that tells me that perhaps I am being WAY too open on the internet and on my blogs. But today, and lately.. I'm thinking to myself.. no, I'm just being real, open and honest.

If those sports teams have been put together and your daughter for whatever the reasons was not included.. look at it as an opportunity to spend time with different, maybe even more open and understanding people. Sometimes the things that we think we want are really the things that God is trying to protect us from. I really do believe that totally.

[[[hugs]]]

Sam said...

Sherilyn,

Hang in there! You are a great woman and an awesome wife. CM and I are both very blessed to have such a loving and caring person in our lives. I think you are being way too hard on yourself!

Jennie said...

Sherilyn,

Just wanted you to know how it blesses me to see and hear your heart. Thank you for putting words to the feelings of insecurity and worry and hurt that we ALL feel. I appreciate the opportunity to get to know your heart through your blog. Blessings...

Rhonda said...

Sorry it's been a rough week. Hang in there!

Jennifer C said...

Just know this...you are one of the kindest, most genuine, loving people I have ever been friends with. How blessed Sam and your kiddos are to have you as a wife and mom. I can completely relate to all that you said and have had some similar experiences where the mama bear inside of me starts to roar! I will be praying for you. Love you friend:).

Ryan and Katie Horner said...

Sherilyn-
First of all you are wonderful!

I feel like people, in general, think so much about themselves (me included) that they forget to even consider others. I, too, can get pretty consumed with what others think of me and my family but it only leaves me feeling paranoid. Hallie has never been invited over to a friend's house, but we have had friends over countless times. Maybe I should "take a hint" but the kids have so much fun and the other moms always seem so appreciative so we just keep it up.

Hope this week reveals countless blessings to you and your family!

jcwilson said...

Sherilyn, I just read your blog from Friday and it brings back so many memories of when Sarah was little. She did not get invited to Friends houses, sleepovers or birthday parties. And I never could understand why. We were decent people, clean, Christians, we did not party and drink, or swear. We had decent jobs. I could not understand parents and them not making their child include everyone in the class. In Oberlin or Hershey the class sizes were small enough you could do this. I remember one time a girl that was in Sarah's Brownie troop had a birthday party. She decided to have it on the same day and same time that Brownies met and did not invite all of the 6 girls that were Brownies, all but a couple of them. I called the Dad and said that was not nice. He should have had it on a different day or time at least so it was not so obvious. Why would parents do that? Hershey was not much better we moved here when Sarah started 4th grade. I tried to get Sarah on a basketball team. They had a team that won all the little league games and they put Sarah and 4 other girls on a different team. They would not coach them at all and they lost all of their games. One tournament a girl from Sarahs team did not come so they asked a girl for the "A" team to play with them so they did not have to forfeit the game and she actually cried and said she did not want to play with losers. Everyone heard it and the damage was done. Needless to say Sarah quit basketball and never tried again. We have the same trouble of not being a "native" Hersheyite. It is hard to break that circle of friends and Moms as well. When Sarah was in high school I went to all of her events even in different towns. When I would get there there would be other moms,(Olson, Bodehammer, Arnett) that all rode together, and sat together at the events and then went and ate together. I was never invited or asked to ride with them. It hurts even as an adult. But I really did not want to be with them and have shallow conversations all day. Maybe I don't make enough money, or have my nails done right. Whatever! Thats why I have a dog! You are a wonderful family and Claremarie is a wonderful girl. She will do just fine. Anyone is lucky to know you and Sam and your kids.

Jane said...

Sherilyn, As I read your blog, tears came to my eyes. ALL of my nieces went through the same thing. And, ALL of their parents cried and fretted and now ALL of them are successful and have the appropriate friends. I see it every day with my kids at school. There is no rhyme or reason. I'd like to say it gets better but as I tell my students, it goes on for life. I still get excluded from get-togethers that people I work with have or that some of my friends have. Go figure! CM and your familiy are the best there is and she had no reason to think it is something she does or doesn't do and neither should you. When it all comes down to it, your family is what matters and who you will have for the rest of your life. My sisters and cousins are my best friends. They are the ones I can count on. Hang in there. I know you are helping CM cope and not letting her see that you are bothered by it. I love you all. jane

The Millers said...

McK wants to have CM over all the time and asks constantly when we are moving back to Omaha. But this is a reminder to go out and extend a few invitations to some of the girls friends again. Thanks Sherilyn... Can CM come play tomorrow?? :)