It has been a tough week around here. Glad it is Friday and that the sun is shining.
As I think I have done a pretty good job at covering it up (maybe you will disagree), most of you won't know that I have a very tender heart: Always feeling terrible about real and perceived slights, hating to be left out of things, and over analyzing everything that anyone says to me or that I say to anyone. A Bible study teacher I once knew told me that self-centeredness and pride were probably at the heart of this. Not exactly characteristics that other people look for in a friend. Over the last few years there has been a lot of hard work done on my part to try and overcome these issues. However, as I sit here and type this, with tears in my eyes, I am finding it impossible not to worry about these things as they relate to Claremarie. For the most part, she is a very laid back kid. She doesn't get too worked up about things and seems to handle it pretty well when she isn't invited to something. She has a wonderful friend named Lauren and some other really good church friends and we are so thankful for that.
So this week started with hurt feelings about Claremarie not being asked to be on a volleyball team with quite a few of the other girls from her class. She handled it pretty well. I was the basket case mainly due to the fact, that, in the course of a conversation, I had told two of the other mothers in her class that CM wanted to play volleyball and asked if they knew of any teams. They both said no but come to find out....guess who's kids are on the team??? You guessed it. Now rationally I tell myself that they probably didn't know who all had been invited and that they weren't in charge of the team. Irrationally I think: Why didn't they want CM on the team? Why didn't they tell me about the team when we were talking about it? Do they hate fat people (this is a common one I use when someone treats me other than nice)? WHY DO THEY HATE US?? Anyway, it led to many tears and hurt feelings mostly on my part. The good news is that my wonderful husband called around, mainly because I would have been crying, and found a team for her to play on. Claremarie is happy. Problem solved.......
Then on Wednesday CM said she had been invited over to a friend's house after school. I was so happy since these invitations have been few and far between for her. I told her that if the mom called she could go. Well guess what...The mom didn't call. CM was devastated. We didn't feel it was our place to call and invite our child since who knows if the 8 year old even had permission to ask CM over. Well she was devastated. I didn't feel too bad about this one until she said, "But this is the first time any of my school friends has ever invited me over." That broke my heart especially since I didn't even know she was cognizant of the fact. I kept praying that IF this was supposed to work out the mom would call. CM went to bed sobbing that night and also woke up crying. Not exactly a peaceful night or morning. Finally at 7:15 am the mom called and issued the invitation. We had one happy kid on our hands.
Claremarie is a very sweet girl. She seems to be well-liked by most who know her. She isn't mean or unkind. So, why can't everyone see this? I've tried to explain to her that most of the people in her class have known each other since they were babies and it is always hard to break into those kind of circles. Sam said we need to be better about inviting kids over to play. I know I'm terrible at that. It is so hard to watch something happening to my child that pushes so many of my own buttons. God obviously has more to teach me in this area (including how to be kind and forgiving to people who hurt my child). Hopefully I'm a quick learner or it is going to be a long 10 years.